I prefer to bottom because, frankly, it feels better. I also think that generally I’m not a dominant person so I think that would also be a factor. I wouldn’t say I would be totally against it in the future as I appreciate that sex is about having fun, experimenting and experiencing different things with different people but I’m not rushing to change my Grindr preferences any time soon. I’ve tried topping before I set on being total bottom (funnily enough it was how I lost my virginity) and it’s just developed into a preference now. I’ve dated a body builder before and they asked me to top them and it felt so alien to me. At times I do wonder if it’s a size thing because I’m short and skinny and the guys I’m generally attracted to are the direct opposite of me and a part of me feels strange topping. Photo: Jimi Photog / Flickr Joao, 26, gay, from Londonįor me it’s a dominance/submission play. I don’t get as much stimulation when I top.
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I’m lucky that my partner is a total top, so we’re a nice fit. The orgasms I experience as a bottom are really intense and I think that’s only possible when I bottom. I’m not a natural dominant in bed and that is generally the position for the top. So generally, while I could top, it’s a lot of pressure on me to maintain stamina and energy. Then I feel awkward, especially if they are really enjoying it. If I am fucking someone – even if I am enjoying myself – I’m awkward with positions or getting a good flow so I tend to then get soft. People always assume I’m a top as I’m told I have an above average-sized dick, but while I get hard and horny, I generally go soft pretty easily. So being a total bottom is just easier I’ve found, especially if you are a bit more submissive like I am, and it’s what I do better at. Whenever I have topped, it’s generally quite a task for me and I have to be really quite horny for it. I then had little experience as a top, so I was always wary of being a top and I didn’t want to be a disappointing one. I would probably say that I just stuck with the position I began my sex life with. I have anxiety about trying to control everything else in my life so sex is the one thing I don’t feel like I have to, and I don’t want to. When you bottom, you don’t have to worry about controlling things. I have tried topping and I didn’t like it because I was nervous the whole time. I would say I’m a complete bottom for sure, but kind of in a ‘fight me’ type of way and I prefer it because I like the feeling of not being in control of the situation. It feels like an overall better experience for me.Ĭould it be because the bottom wasn’t that cooperative? Yes. I tried once and it’s not that I didn’t like it, I just feel much better if I’m bottoming.
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So we asked some total bottoms why topping’s just not for them: Alex, 22, gay, from Milan These include passive, submissive, oral and power bottoms, just to name a few. To add even more complication to the equation, there can also be a spectrum of different types of bottoms. From sexual gratification and power play to medical reasons, the possibilities are endless. There can be a multitude of reasons why LGBTI people have these binary preferences. It’s not uncommon for LGBTI people to have a preference with topping or bottoming.īut some may only want to do one or the other and they’re called ‘total tops’ or ‘total bottoms’.